


Forget-Me-Not

by KoolKat9



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Awkwardness, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, GerEng - Freeform, GerUK, Human AU, Insecurity, Learning to trust, M/M, Memories, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29340492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoolKat9/pseuds/KoolKat9
Summary: After Arthur gets into an accident, he wakes up in a hospital room with no memories and a worried blond man with a strange accent. That worried man is his boyfriend Ludwig, but he does not recognize him or anyone for that matter. With not much else to do, the two started back at square one.
Relationships: England/Germany (Hetalia)
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

I awoke to bright light and a splitting headache. As my eyes adjusted to the lighting, I discovered myself in a mainly white room. A hospital room if my memory served me well. Unfortunately, it didn't serve me well enough to give me the answer to what exactly happened. Frankly, I couldn't recall a lot other than my name, Arthur Kirkland.

Despite the ache of my body, I lifted myself up slightly to look at my surroundings. White ceilings, white curtains, white floors. The smell of saturated alcohol was strong in the air. Yep, definitely a hospital. Despite the otherwise dull surroundings, one thing stood out. Beside me sat a young man, with very light blonde hair and pale skin. His bangs hung slightly over his closed eyes and his breath was shallow. I had to admit, he was quite beautiful. Perhaps he was a friend of mine or at least something along those lines, why else would he be here?

I turned my gaze to a monitor beside me. It kept letting an annoying beep every few seconds. Then I brought my attention to my body. My left arm was wrapped in a bandage and my torso ached. What had happened to me. Obviously, this was nothing small considering my lost memories, but it was still shocking to look over my injuries. No wonder my whole body hurt in some way.

I looked back to the man beside me. Part of me wanting to say something and get some of my questions answered. But he looked so peaceful sleeping there and considering he was able to fall asleep in such an uncomfortable-looking position, he must have been tired. Ultimately, I decided against it and instead opted to lay back down and stare at the ceiling.

I almost fell back asleep, when I heard a slight noise from beside me. I snapped my eyes open, allowing them to fall onto the man who was beside me. He was now awake and stared intently at me. His cold stare sent a chill down my spine and my breath hitch. He was scary at first, but soon, his blue eyes became soft as he met my gaze. Neither of us dared to make a sound.

"You're awake," he finally said, taking in a sigh of relief. A small smile graced his lips, and honestly, it was kind of cute. I felt my face heat up, causing the man in front of me to frown. "Are you okay? Do you have a fever?"

"N-No," I say, trying not to stutter.

He lets out another sigh of relief. "Thank god. I'm going to get the nurse. Sit tight." And with that, he left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

"So...how are you feeling Mr. Kirkland?" a nurse asked me after checking my bandages and vitals.

"Other than feeling like I've been hit by a bus, I feel fine." This earned another small smile from the man from earlier, but at the same time, he looked somewhat sad. I tore myself away from the man and looked back at the nurse. "What exactly happened?" I finally asked.

"Well," the nurse sighed, "You were walking home a few nights ago when a car swerved and hit you. Most likely a drunk driver." I saw the man grit his teeth slightly as the nurse went on with his explanation. "Due to the way you landed you ended up fracturing your arm and severely injuring your head. Other than that, there are just some pretty bad bruises. But going back to the head injury, do you recall your name? Where you live? What year it is?"

I thought for a moment. Yes, I knew my name, but I couldn't think of where I lived. I recalled England, but that didn't seem right. And the year, nothing came up. "I'm Arthur Kirkland and I came from London England. I don't think that's where I am now though."

"You would be right about that. You're in America, specifically New Jersey. Remember anything else? Family? Occupation? Any other personal information?"

I tried to think once more, but my head began to hurt even more. "Not really. At least not at the moment."

The nurse gave me a small smile, "I'm sure you have so many questions, but I don't want to overwhelm you too much." Well not knowing was overwhelming in itself. The nurse turned to the blond man, "I'm sorry Ludwig. I was really hoping for the best, but I guess Dr. Jenkins' prediction was right. " The man he addressed as Ludwig gave a small smile most likely trying to brush off the nurse's concerns. "I will let Dr. Jenkins know about everything and we'll go from there. Please get some rest in the meantime, Mr. Kirkland." The nurse left the room leaving behind myself and a very awkward Ludwig.

The well-built man stood at the foot of my bed stiff as a board with a distant looking on his face. "You can sit, you know," I finally told him. He seemed to jump slightly at my words, but complied. Then silence. Ludwig continued to look uncomfortable, refusing to look at me and instead focusing on his hands. "So...what are you to me?"

His attention snapped back to me. "What?"

"Like are you my friend? My brother?"

"Definitely not your brother."

"O-Okay." A little defensive, but I just shrugged it off. "So..." I prodded, "what are you to me?"His cheeks went red and he mumbled something.

"I didn't catch that."

"I was your boyfriend," Ludwig said quickly. Despite the speed, I was able to catch it. My cheeks heated up to match Ludwig's. He and I were lovers? I guess that would explain why he was here. Sure he was attractive and seemed to be a decent person, but could I really have such a relationship in the state I am now? Was he expecting that kind of relationship?

Ludwig's voice pulled me out of my thoughts, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to pressure you or overwhelm you." He rose from his chair. "I'll just call Alfred and ask him to come over early and I can go."

"Wait!" I reached out to him with my good hand. "You didn't even let me say anything. Unfortunately, I do not remember you or what we have, but I don't want you to leave. I actually...I think I would...I would feel better if you stayed." My words made him freeze. For a while, he didn't turn around making me feel as though I made everything worse. But I was wrong as he turned back to me with an endearing smile on his face. "Okay...if that's what you want."


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay, so let's see if I got everything. The man who will be coming in soon is my best friend Francis that I've known since we were like five. Then there is my little brother Alfred who I live with here in America as I complete my history degree at Princeton University. I have three older brothers and one more younger brother, but they are in England and Canada and can't come down right now. And is that all I need to know?" I looked over at Ludwig, hoping I got everything correct. He didn't want to tell me much, but he agreed to let me know about my family and others who would be coming in to visit me.

He gave me a nod, "Yes. You'll probably only see Alfred and Francis though during your stay here."

"Okay..." I turned my attention to the blanket over me. I fiddle with the edge as I take in the information. I was grateful to fill in some gaps, but at the same time, I didn't gain any memories. Knowing all these people knew me and seemed to love me made me feel guilty for not knowing them or being able to fully return their love.

The opening of a door pulled me out of my thoughts. In walked a man with shoulder-length blond hair, dressed in a pale pink button-up shirt and grey jeans. Interesting choice, but there was a familiarity in the style. Ludwig rose from his seat to greet the man, "Good day Francis."

"Bonjour Ludwig, Arthur. And how is our little black sheep doing?"

I felt my chest burn at the man's words and his growing smirk. I may have not known a lot about this Francis fellow, but he became a thorn in my side at that moment.

"Now don't you start," Ludwig scolded.

"Fine, fine. Any who, how are you Arthur?"

I glared at the man, "everything hurts and you're making my headache worse."

He gave me a teasing smile. "Glad to see you feisty as ever."

"Memories or not his hatred for you still burns," Ludwig stated.

"Arthur will be Arthur I suppose," the Frenchman laughed, but he was cut short by a sudden realization, "wait no memories?"

"He has amnesia, Francis."

That wiped that stupid grin off his face. Despite my annoyance, seeing his face fall as it did make me feel a little sorry for him. He remained silent, his deep blue eyes staring at me with uncertainty. "Oh Arthur," he eventually breathed. He slumped into the seat beside my bed. What a strange character. This was supposed to be my best friend?

Ludwig looked to his phone, "Well, Feliciano is here. I'm going to head out."

"Okay, tell little Feli I said hi."

So with that, he left, leaving me with a now somber Francis. "So...What do you remember?" He asked, giving me a wiry smile.

"My name, my age, the fact I'm from England and...that's it."

"I see," he looked down at his hands. His pitiful state made my stomach twist. Sure he was annoying when he first entered here and sure I didn't really know much about him, but deep down, I knew this wasn't like him and that upset me a bit. Perhaps my memories were somewhere deep down. But for the time being, all I could do was try to ask him about himself as well as myself.

"So...we were-are friends?" I asked.

"Oui. Since childhood. Our mothers were old college friends."

"Really?"

Francis simply nodded, his eyes brightening slightly.

"I'm...I'm sorry for being snippy with you when you first got here."

"Please don't apologize. Seeing how that was your first reaction is comforting. As Ludwig said, despite no memories, you haven't really changed. Or at least, your feelings towards me haven't changed." He laughed slightly at his own comment.

I let out a relieved sigh. Perhaps everything wasn't so bleak as I once thought. I may not have had my memories and that was saddening, but at least my instincts are still intact. At this moment, that seemed to be all I needed.

The room remained silent for a while, but it was a comfortable silence. Though it did become slightly boring. Francis went scrolling through his phone, but I didn't know where mine was. Most likely broken considering I was in a car accident and even if it was fine, I was pretty sure I had a password or something, but I couldn't remember what that password was. Francis must have noticed my boredom as he reached into his bag and pulled out a pile of books. "When Ludwig called me, telling me you were up, I decided to bring over some of your favorite books. But now I'm remembering you have a concussion and you shouldn't be reading."

"Then what can I do?"

Francis shrugged, "beats me. Perhaps you can ask the nurse or doctor?"

I huffed in response. "Fine, but until then I want to get to know you."

"Okay. So what do you want to know?"

For the rest of the afternoon, Francis and I talked about our childhood and how I once had a crush on him. Then he began teasing me about it, though I didn't give him the reaction he wanted since I didn't remember any of it. Then we went on talking about school. He told me how he is going into his final year of Theatre studies over in New York. It's summer now so neither of us has to worry about classes. I'm only heading into my third year according to him. He told me next time he'll bring me tea if the nurses say it's okay. He was much more talkative than Ludwig, but at the same time, I found my mind wandering to him. Perhaps it was that instinct again since he was my boyfriend. Of course, Francis began teasing me once more when I would space out about this.

"Be patient mon ami, he'll be here tomorrow morning," Francis singsonged."Oh shut up!"

Francis only laughed for the millionth time. His fit was interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. His laughter only continued when he opened up the message. "Looks like you'll be seeing him sooner than you expect. Alfred has come down with a cold so Ludwig will be coming back this evening." I felt my face flush and my heartbeat quicken which only encouraged the Frenchman beside me. Eventually, I ripped out one of my pillows and threw it at his stupid face.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well lovebirds, I have to get back home and get ready for work," Francis sighed dramatically as he collected his things and made his way to the door. Felt my face heat up. How could I be friends with such an annoying bastard? On the bright side, he was leaving, giving me some peace and quiet.

"Don't mind him, Arthur," Ludwig said, "He just loves being a pain in the ass."

Despite his collected words, he was just as much of a blushing mess as myself (if not worse). I let out a little laugh at our predicament which only made Ludwig blush harder. After regaining my composure, I remembered the books Francis left. I couldn't read them, but perhaps someone else could. I picked up one of the books titled _Howl's Moving Castle_ and looked it over. I snuck a look over at Ludwig who appeared to be trying to get his breathing under control.

"Uh...Ludwig?" I asked, my confidence draining, "Could you read to me?"

"Oh...umm. Sure." He took the book from me and looked at the title. "Huh? Kiku has a movie titled this."

I gave him a confused look. It must have slipped his mind that I kind of didn't know anyone anymore.

Ludwig gave me a sheepish grin, realizing my gaze, " Sorry. Kiku's one of my best friends. He is one of yours too. He actually helped set us up."

"Really?" I felt my cheeks heat up slightly.

"Ja. Anyway, he has a really beautiful animated movie titled the same thing. I never realized there was also a book. Sorry for rambling a bit. Let's begin shall we?"

With that, I settled into the uncomfortable hospital bed as Ludwig began to read. Although his voice was rough and his German accent thick, the deepness of it and the care in it was soothing. As he read, character names and plot lines seemed to come to me. As each chapter went by, I began recounting what would happen next. I really wanted to share this with Ludwig, but at the same time, I didn't want to risk spoiling it for him.

"Why are you fidgeting?" Ludwig asked, his brow furrowed slightly.

"Oh...ah...yes. Do you know if I've read this book before?"

"I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure all these books are yours so I would imagine so. Why?"

"I just...seem to remember this story slightly."

"Oh," he simply said, though his eyes told a different story. They seem to become much more bright. He turned back to the book, pushing it closer to his face, most likely noticing my stare. He truly was strange, but not in a bad way (like Francis), it was sweet and, dare I say, cute.

Halfway through the story, I found my gaze drifting to Ludwig's face. His pale blue eyes were fixated on the pages, only widening slightly at the exciting points. His lips moved slowly as he tried to annunciate all the words to the best of his ability. He was like a child honestly. Just a taller, more muscular child. And there I go obsessing over his appearance again.

As we came to the end of the book, I felt my eyes grow heavy as I continued to listen to his voice. It was like the soft rumble of thunder. As the book came to an end, Ludwig's voice was distant and my mind was mostly blank. At some point, my eyes had closed and sleep was close. The last thing I felt was a slight pressure on my forehead and two words "Good night." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Howl's Moving Castle is both one of my most favorite books and Studio Ghibli's film based off it is my absolute most favorite movie of all time. I highly recommend both! Anyway, thank you all for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

I watched as the droplets rolled down the window of the car, the low hum of the engine in the distance. It was a gloomy day with low hanging clouds and wet surroundings, but at least I was leaving the hospital. Hopefully, I would have a more comfortable bed.

"No falling asleep on me," Ludwig warned from the driver's seat.

"I'm not, my head just hurts," I said, pushing my forehead against the cool glass. Despite going home, I still felt like absolute crap, so the sooner I could go home and lay down, the better. Lucky for me, our apartment wasn't far from the hospital, so we were home in no time. As soon as I walked in, I went straight to the couch and collapsed onto it. A hundred percent better than a hospital bed. Ludwig had wandered into what I assumed was the kitchen to prepare lunch, leaving me in the quiet living room.

My quiet, however, was interrupted by the banging from the door and allowed 'hey.' "I'll get it," Ludwig called, coming back out and to the door. I peaked over the back of the couch to see who was making such a racket. There in the doorway stood a tall young man with broad shoulders, sandy blond hair, and bright blue eyes. "Alfred, he really doesn't need loud noise."

"Sorry dude," this Alfred replied, not changing his volume, "how's Artie doing?" I slunk back down on the couch, putting a pillow over my head to muffle the voices. Though it didn't last long as well since the pillow was ripped away from me by the new face.

"Give it back you git," I yell, reaching up to grab the pillow, only for the taller man to pull it away. After a few minutes, I just gave up, turning away from his annoying smile. What followed was a fit of obnoxious, loud laughter.

Finally, Ludwig interjected, "Alfred, please lower your voice. And give him the pillow." At least Alfred listened to him and backed off a bit. "He has a concussion and a headache, he doesn't need you overwhelming him." With that, Ludwig returned to the kitchen to prepare lunch Alfred plopped down on a nearby chair looking like a kicked puppy. "Sorry," he eventually says, "I just really missed you."

What was with these people? They annoyed the hell out of me, but at the same time, I surrounded myself with them and felt bad seeing them so dejected. "Well, thank you for the sentiment, Alfred."

"So...I heard you don't remember us."

"Unfortunately no."

"Oh..." He slumped forward slightly. The drop in mood made me quite uncomfortable, as this wasn't how it should be. 

"But...it will be okay. We will just have to start from square one is all. I mean...I'm still Arthur aren't I?"

He gave a quiet laugh, "Yeah I guess. You're still easy to bug."

I grumbled at his comment, but at least he seemed to be cheering up some so that was a relief.

"Well, I need some McDonald's and it looks like Ludwig has got you covered," Alfred said after a few moments of silence. He jumped up from his seat with a grin and skipped to the door. "Don't push yourself too hard old man. Bye Lud!"

And once more it was peaceful. My head was still pounding slightly, but the quietness made it a little better. Ludwig returned to the living room once more, bringing me a glass of water, but quickly returned to the kitchen. After taking a few sips, I settled back down on the couch, pulling a nearby blanket over myself. Eventually, I fell asleep.

\---

I awoke to the smell of sausage and the soft melody of a familiar tune. With a stretch, I propped myself up to come face to face with Ludwig. "Um...here, I made you lunch," he said, offering me a plate.

"Thank you." I take it, beginning to eat slowly.

"Sorry, I hadn't really had time to get groceries so this is all we had."

"It's fine. Really good actually."

Ludwig gave a slight nod and went back to his own meal. We fell into silence. Although I wanted the quiet before, this was awkward. It remained this way until we both finished eating. 

"So, I take it you're not originally from America," I said, turning to look at my couch partner

He looked at me with a deadpan expression. "What gave you that idea?"

"Ha ha. But honestly, tell me a bit about yourself."

"Well...I was born in Germany. My parents died when I was young, so my brother had to raise me. He ended up going to school in England when I was around 15 so that's how I ended up there. And how I met you." His cheeks went red at the last comment. His mind seemed to wander slightly as well since he stopped mid-story. "Then I decided to go to the U.S. for schooling along with you."

"What are you studying,"

"Business. I hope to run my own someday."

"Oh really? What kind?"

"Well..." he gave a small smile, "I would love to make products for pets. Specifically dogs. Or, you know, run a non-profit for animals or something."

"Do you like dogs?"

"Yeah, my brother and I used to have three."

His eyes lit up as he talked about each dog, it was very sweet. I hung onto every word, just enjoying the simple conversation. To me, I only knew him a few days, but I already loved his smile and his deep laugh. His smile wasn't annoying like Francis' and his laugh wasn't loud like Alfred's, Ludwig was sweet and not overbearing. Eventually, Ludwig collected the plates and headed to do dishes. As I laid back down, my mind wandered back to Ludwig's smile and the way his eyes became bright as he talked about his dogs. My cheeks grew warm as my mind continued to wander. I may have not known a whole lot about him, but my feelings appeared to still be there.


	6. Chapter 6

For the third day in a row, most of my day had been spent on the couch doing nothing. Ludwig being gone for half the day didn't help much. I debated a few times inviting Francis or Alfred over, but I couldn't remember their numbers, and my cell phone broke so I couldn't contact them that way. So instead, I just laid there, listening to music and occasionally getting up for water or snacks.

My boredom was interrupted by the opening of the door. Ludwig sat down beside me on the couch, a plastic bag in hand. "What's that?" I asked, poking the bag slightly.

"A new book for you. The one you really wanted." He handed me a soft covered book with a deep blue background and two intense eyes along with bright red lips taking center stage. The title above the imagery read The Great Gatsby. He continued, "I know you may not remember, but I figured that you may want a new book to begin reading. You should start doing some more activities after all."

I took the book, looking it over and briefly flipping through the pages. "Is...is that okay?"

"Don't worry, I asked the doctor just to be sure. She said it's okay to start trying these kinds of things, but don't push it."

I opened up the book and began reading the first page. This didn't last long as I felt eyes still on me. I looked up to meet the hard stare of Ludwig. "What are you looking at?" I asked, becoming self-conscious due to his gaze.

"N-Nothing. Just...m-making s-sure... you're good." His cheeks became red as he tried to explain himself.

I shook my head, returning to my book. "I'm fine. You worry too much."

After a few pages and glances towards Ludwig, I decided it may be best to read out loud so we could both be doing something. Also, he seemed so stiff and tense and I wanted to alleviate some of that. As I read, I felt Ludwig shift closer to me, following along over my shoulder. His shoulder was against my own and I could feel his breath tickling my ear. My throat became tight and my hands sweaty at the contact, but I somehow managed to keep reading with little voice cracks and stuttering.

Eventually, I began feeling dizzy and my head began to ache after a few chapters so I had to stop. "I'll go get dinner then," Ludwig stated as he leaned in towards me. He abruptly stopped, pulling back with pink cheeks and wide eyes. He mumbled something as he got up and headed to the door, leaving me very confused.

After a few minutes of trying to wrap my head around what exactly just happened, it dawned on me. Ludwig was going in for a kiss. Upon this realization, I felt my heartbeat pick up and my face go warm. I understood it was probably just reflex, but it brought up another issue: Ludwig and I needed to figure out how we were going to move forward. I couldn't deny my attraction to him. I found him handsome and adorable at the same time and any close contact sent me into a blushing mess who couldn't breathe properly. The answer seemed easy. But, the thought of having such a relationship with Ludwig made my stomach twist. We obviously had a lot of history from the past 10 years I knew him, but I had no recollection of any of it. The thought only made my stomach feel worse. What if I wasn't enough? What if he ends up hating me for not being comfortable with certain actions? What if all of this becomes too much?

I was too lost in my head, that I didn't hear Ludwig returned. It took a rough shake to my shoulder for me to realize and head to the kitchen for dinner.

"You're unusually quiet," Ludwig mentioned as we ate our fish and chips.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Arthur. I can tell something is bugging you."

I froze slightly as I dug for a response. "I'm just not feeling the best. I may have overdone it with the reading."

Ludwig only frowned and furrowed his brows at my response, but he left it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own '99 Luftballoons' (or 99 Red Balloons in English) it belongs to Jörn-Uwe Fahrenkrog-Petersen (music) and Carlo Karges (words) and Nena. I really liked this song and when I discovered it was originally performed in German I knew I had to include it in one of these fics at some point. Anyway on with the main event.

After about a week after I came home, Ludwig had to return to work. At first, it was nice to be alone with the quiet and no worries about my lost memories. Just me and _The Great Gatsby_ (and occasionally Francis or Alfred).

Then, it became too quiet and my doubts returned. At least when Ludwig was here, I had more of a distraction and I learned more things about myself. But now, it was just me, a headache, and an empty feeling. At least it was Friday and Ludwig would have the next two days off.

Having done all the reading my body allowed me, I made my way over to the record player that sat in the corner of the living room. Apparently, I really liked old things and music, so Ludwig had gotten him this record player when they moved in together last year. As I sifted through the multiple records of 80s rock and pop, a tune came to mind. I could not recall the lyrics, but the upbeat tune was clear as day. As I searched for some music to play, I hummed the song in my head softly, hoping to possibly find a record that contained it.

I must have become very engrossed in the song because I didn't hear Ludwig come home. It wasn't until he sat down beside me, singing softly along to my humming.

" _Neunundneunzig Luftballons_

_Jeder war ein großer Krieger_

_Hielten sich für Captain Kirk_

_Das gab ein großes Feuerwerk_

_Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft_

_Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht_

_Dabei schoss man am Horizon_

_Neunundneunzig Luftballons"_

I didn't understand the lyrics, but I couldn't help but nod along to the beat. I stopped humming however to listen to the voice beside me. It was deep and rich, but warm at the same time. I found myself leaning against him, embracing the bubbly feeling growing in my chest. 

"What's with you?" He asked, breaking me out of my daze.

"Huh?"

"You're being very affectionate. Not that I mind it...it's just..."

I felt my whole face burn red and I pushed away, feeling suddenly too warm. Ludwig seemed to reach out to stop me, but he stopped mid-action and quickly shoved his hand back down. I felt bad. And the whispers seemed to grow loud once more: ' _He's going to leave. He'll hate you. You can't give him what he needs.'_

"Sorry," he said as he got up, "I'll go make dinner." As he headed to a kitchen, a little part of me wanted to go with him, but my negative thoughts quickly shut it down.

\---

Ludwig was distant the next morning and I couldn't blame him. I kind of freaked out on him yesterday after all. After an awkward and silent breakfast, Ludwig had gone to my room? Our room? I don't know anymore. I guess it was our room, but Ludwig had set up the guest room and had been sleeping there so as to not make me uncomfortable. In our current situation, it was technically my room.

I wouldn't say I was a snooper, but I had followed him to the door, putting my ear against it to try to make out what he was doing. It sounded as though he was talking to someone. There was a phone on the nightstand, so he must have called someone. Unfortunately, the door muffled the sound and I couldn't make out what was being said.

After a few minutes, I heard shuffling which made me immediately stand up and rush back to the living room. The thought of Ludwig catching me made my heart beat fast and not in the warm and fuzzy kind of way. I threw myself on the couch, trying to look as natural as possible.

As he entered the room, he gave me a quizzical look. He appeared to want to say something, but must have decided against it as he silently took a seat beside me. "I was thinking we should go out and do something today," he eventually said.

"Okay...what did you have in mind?"

"Well... Maybe we could walk around the park. It's only a block or two away from us."

"That sounds nice," I said, feeling a smile on my lips.

\---

The sun may have been shining, but there was a cool breeze constantly blowing. Although I was happy to spend time with Ludwig, the weather kind of destroyed a lot of my enjoyment. Ludwig had once again gone quiet, further dampening the day. At least it had finally stopped raining (which it had been doing for three straight days) and the fresh air beat the stuffy apartment.

I was really trying to enjoy the day, the air was thick with tension and the guilt from yesterday still lingered. Ludwig seemed very tense all morning and he only seemed to relax slightly when I agreed to the outing, so I didn't want to bring the mood down further. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to matter as Ludwig remained stiffer than usual and kept giving me awkward glances.

Suddenly, Ludwig gripped my hand and dragged me to a nearby gazebo. "What's wrong?" He asked once we were under the structure.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?"

"I...uh...um...y-y-you've been quiet. Too quiet. And you always look sad or lost in your thoughts...and...I-I'm...worried."

It was as if everything stopped. He looked at me with hard, but concerned eyes that seemed to look into my soul. He squeezed my hand most likely to encourage me to talk. Although it was sweet for him to be concerned, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. The more I thought about it, the more my concerns seemed stupid and considering how well put together Ludwig was, the situation was even more embarrassing. At the same time, I still felt like I was burdening him and I wished he wouldn't put up with me. But as he held my hand, those thoughts seemed to quiet slightly.

"I know talking about these things can be hard for you. They...They're hard for me too. Take all the time you need, but just know I am here and I will listen and you may feel better afterward." He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles and whispered, "m-may I?"

Although I was unsure of what he meant, I completely trusted Ludwig so I nodded. Ludwig brought my hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back. He pulled away with a bright red face reaching to his ears, but there was still a small smile nonetheless. For a moment we just stared at each other, just getting completely lost in each other's eyes. At least, I was getting lost in Ludwig's eyes. They were really pretty. A nice, light blue that became electric when the sun hit them. They were like the sky, just as endless and just as comforting.

Eventually, he pulled away, shaking his head slightly. "W-W-We should...go get lunch." Though Ludwig seemed very flustered and embarrassed by everything that had just happened, we left the park hand-in-hand. Despite a small voice telling me to let go, I only held on tighter, enjoying the warmth it brought. 


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey Luddie!" a cheery voice echoed through the apartment. The voice felt familiar, though I couldn't put a name or face to it. Curiosity got the best of me, so I went to look for the source. It sounded as though it came from the kitchen.

As I approached the doorway, I peeked in to see Ludwig embarrassing a shorter, tanned skin man with copper hair and a peculiar curl sticking out. I did not know this stranger, but something in my chest burned at the sight. I wasn't able to wallow in the feeling for long though as another voice came from behind me:

"Hello Arthur-san, it's good to see you up and about."

Turning around, I came face to face with another short man, this time with very dark, brown (or was it black) hair and brown eyes. "Uh...yes...hello. Good to see you..."

"Kiku. Honda Kiku," he said with a slight bow. So this was our mutual friend to set us up. He didn't seem like the romance type, then again, I didn't know him anymore. "Don't worry about those two, Feli-Kun is always like that with everyone."

How did he know? And I thought Francis was a strange one. Not that he was like Francis. If anything, he was far from it. But at the same time, there was something really strange, like he was all-knowing. I shook my head, trying to push down these feelings. This was my friend after all and he seemed respectful enough (unlike some Frenchman I know).

"So...uh...what are you guys doing here?"

"Ludwig invited us over for dinner." So that's why he was spending so much time in the kitchen today. I could have helped him, especially after he's been cooking for me for the past two weeks. Then again, whenever I entered the kitchen, Ludwig seemed to tense up.

"Oh, Kiku you made it!" came the same cheery Italian accent from earlier. As the two guests began chatting, I felt something grab my hand. I turned to find Ludwig, his brows furrowed slightly as he met my eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes...just a little surprised is all." A strange glint flickered through his eyes. Guilt perhaps? "I-I had to meet them eventually so now's as good a time as any," I quickly added and squeezed his hand in hopes of further comforting him.

He gave a small smile, then directed his attention to our guests. "Okay gentlemen, shall we move to the living room?"

\---

By 5:30, Francis and Alfred had also joined us. All of us were huddled in the now cramped living room, talking and laughing about "shenanigans" (according to Alfred) we had been up to these past weeks. Nothing about the past, nothing about the accident, nothing about my lack of memories. It was warm, it was happy, and I felt more comfortable than I had ever felt since the accident.

"Oh my god," Alfred said between laughs, "that reminds me of the time Arthur-"

With those few words, my stomach sank. Now of all times that idiot had to go and ruin the moment. I must have begun squeezing Ludwig's hand as he squeezed back and grazed my palm with his thumb. It was comforting, but at the same time, Alfred only continued, not realizing the growing thickness of the air. It didn't seem I was the only one as everyone else went silent and their eyes wandered to anything that wasn't Alfred or me. As the story continued, my heartbeat quickened and the dark thoughts I had been pushing away from the past week came front and center.

'You're ruining everything.'

'You made them sad.'

'Look how they pity you.'

'Don't make a fuss. It'll only make it worse.'

Kiku eventually leaned over and whispered, "Arthur-san, let's get some air." Part of me didn't want to leave the warmth of Ludwig's hand, but on the other hand, I felt I would lose my mind if I stayed any longer. So I followed the Japanese man out of the room and building without a word.

As my skin hit the cool night air, I felt much lighter. I took in a deep breath and looked towards the sky, scanning for any stars. It was a quiet night other than the slight whistle of the wind. After a few more breaths, I felt my mind clear and my heart return to a normal pace.

I had almost forgotten that Kiku had come out with me. "Don't mind Al. He's...He's just...He can't read the mood and has no filter whatsoever." He looked over at me with a soft smile. Unfortunately, I couldn't return it. "You don't have to feel so bad about it. We care about you, memories or not. You said it yourself, didn't you? You're still Arthur."

How did he know all this? Was I that easy to read or was he just very good at reading people in general? Something told me it was the latter. I had to avert my gaze to the ground as embarrassment grew.

"Can we not talk about this with anyone?" I whispered.

"Okay...but please, don't let this get you down. I know how you can be with yourself." With that I heard his footsteps get farther and farther away, leaving me alone in the quiet of the night with myself and my thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

We were once again at the park. Ludwig said he wanted us to get some alone time together out of the house. After last night, that was the best course of action considering the tense air still seemed to linger. The chilly air was refreshing and strolling around hand-in-hand with Ludwig provided a nice distraction from everything going on.

As we walked, we came across a group of kids playing a game of football, though they most likely called it soccer. For some reason, something in my mind clicked at the sight. I must have been staring since Ludwig asked if I wanted to stop for a minute to which I agreed. We found a spot, under a nearby tree and watched the game. I couldn't shake the familiarity that the game brought. Something was itching at the back of my mind, but I couldn't figure it out. Eventually, I decided to give up on the whole thing and leaned against Ludwig, letting my eyes close for a minute. I wasn't exactly tired, but I wanted to take in the cool air the sounds of laughter, chatter, and chirping.

My mind began to wander and eventually came upon the image of a young boy with light blond hair and a bashful smile, holding a football in his hands. "Would you like to come play with my Bruder and me?" he asked in a timid voice. He pushed his bangs back out of his eyes to reveal beautiful, light blue eyes. Ludwig's eyes. It was a little Ludwig, flustered face and all. I snapped my eyes open as a memory came flooding back.

"What's wrong?" Ludwig asked, concern lacing his voice.

I was quiet for a moment, trying to get everything in order. "We...We met...in a park just outside of London." As I spoke, I saw Ludwig's eyes widen. "You were playing football with...what was his name? Gilbert! The ball got kicked over to where I was reading and...and...you were so shy...over just a ball." I let a small smile spread across my face. "Y-You invited me to play and I accepted. And we beat your brother." He just stared at me slacked jawed with wide eyes and pink cheeks. Felt my own cheeks go warm at the sight. No matter how many times I saw that blushing face, I was always enamored by it.

Before I knew what was happening, Ludwig's arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me off the ground. After coming down from the shock of everything, I returned the hug with as much force as I could. When I was returned to the ground and we pulled away, our faces were only inches from each other and we only seemed to get closer. At first, I leaned in, thinking that I was ready. This was Ludwig, my boyfriend after all. Why couldn't I kiss him? But as he got closer, I found it harder to breathe and terror shot through my body. Right before our lips could connect I pushed away.

For a moment, I couldn't bring myself to look at Ludwig and instead turned my head to the side. I swore I could feel how disappointed Ludwig with downcast eyes, thin lips twisted into a frown looking like a kicked puppy. The thought of that image made my stomach sink. I felt the hands on my waist move to rub my upper arms. "I'm sorry...I just got a little excited is all," he said softly.

"I'm sorry..."

"You have nothing to apologize for. I should have asked first." I felt his breath tickle my cheek, "may I kiss your cheek?" I thought about it, but figured that thinking so deeply would make things worse, so I gave a small nod of approval. And so, he brushed his lips, chilled by the cool air, against my burning skin. It was nice. Relaxing even. I leaned into the touch, though my body tensed up a bit as well.

"Maybe we should head home," he suggested, pulling his face away from my own (though never releasing my forearms, not that I was complaining). I had to agree, today suddenly felt very long and very tiring. I just wanted to go home to warm up with a nice cup of tea and lounge about with Ludwig.


	10. Chapter 10

_It was hot. It was very, very hot. The air was thick and smelled of smoke. The house was on fire. I tried to pull myself up out of bed, but my body refused to move. The room just kept getting hotter and hotter and my heartbeat grew louder and louder. Still, I couldn't move. Even as I could hear flames crackling right outside my door, I remained paralyzed. I had to move. I had to move. I. Had. To. MOVE. But still, my body refused._

I awoke shaking in a cold sweat. The heat of the flames still lingered now accompanied by my burning eyes. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, but it was no use. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so bad, but I couldn't. I couldn't cry over such a ridiculous reason. Water. I just needed some water.

I slowly made my way to the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible as to not wake up Ludwig. I couldn't let him see me like this. I grabbed a glass with a shaky hand and filled it up. I lifted it to my lips, but with the added weight of the water, my hands could support it and it ended up on the floor. I froze in my spot. Goddammit, I broke it. My stomach, which was already in knots, twisted as I heard a door open and footsteps approaching. It was as if I was back in that dream, unable to move, but shaking in fear. I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry. I kept reminding myself that until Ludwig entered the kitchen, bangs in his face and dressed in a tanned robe. He looked at me and then at the mess I had made, his expression unreadable.

Before I could say anything, two strong arms wrapped around my shoulders. Against my wishes, I melted into the embrace and buried my nose into Ludwig's neck. We stood like this for a good few minutes until I managed to calm myself down (for the most part). He pulled away, but kept a loose grip on my shoulder as he led me to the couch.

After another few minutes of cuddling, he got up and began to head back to the kitchen. "Wait," I murmured, "please don't go."

"I have to clean-"

"I...I don't...I...I don't want to be alone right now." God this was embarrassing, even more so than that first date at the park. I shifted my eyes to my lap, waiting for a scoff, a laugh, or worst of all, him to leave.

I felt the couch sag as Ludwig rejoined me and slipped his arm around me once more. I, in turn, leaned into his side.

"So...What exactly is going on? Nightmare?"

"I...I suppose you could say that. More likely a memory mixed with a dream."

He ran his fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp as he did so. It felt really nice and was very soothing. "Mind telling me more?"

"Kind of."

"Anything big?"

I took in a sharp breath. I debated getting into it as the the memories of the dream came forward once more. I swore I could feel the heat of the fire. But as Ludwig's hand kept up its motion, I took a deep breath and opened up. "I was back in London...there was heat...and f-flames...I-"

A dark look overcame Ludwig's features and his fingers froze in their spot. "Stop."

"But you-"

"I know I asked...that was stupid of me."

"No it wasn't," I assured him, taking his free hand in my own, "I have to face these things eventually and it's best I do it with someone right?"

His cheeks flushed and his gaze softened. "I-I guess, but still-"

I knew what he was getting at. Despite feeling a bit better after telling Ludwig, my memories of the dream were more vivid now. "Yeah...I think I've seen enough of whatever that was for now."

We sat on the couch for another half-hour in comfortable silence. I kept dozing off, but Ludwig would shake me awake each time. After my third attempt, he asked, "Do you want to go to bed?"

"Mmm." I was tired, but the remnants of my dream still left me on edge. I didn't feel like being alone. "Can we sleep together tonight?"

Through lidded eyes, I could see Ludwig's face go red again. He gave a slight cough, "W-W-Well...if that is what you really want."

"It is."

We were soon settled down in our bed, facing each other. That didn't last for long as Ludwig began tossing a turning out of what I assumed were nerves (though that may have been just my own nerves getting to me). After 15 minutes of Ludwig's fidgeting, I had had enough and wrapped my arms around his waist. At first, he tensed up at the contact, but eventually relaxed into it and wrapped his own arms around me. Despite the fluttering of my heart, it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. 


	11. Chapter 11

When I woke up the next morning, Ludwig and I were tangled in each other's limbs. The feeling of his arms around me made me feel fuzzy and giddy inside. The sun filtered through the thin curtains, making the whole scenario cozier. I cuddled into Ludwig's chest, perfectly happy just going back to sleep. However, fate was not in my favour and Ludwig was soon awake and trying to carefully move away from me. I was not about to let him leave without a fight, so I held on tighter. "Arthur, I need to go clean up the kitchen," he grumbled, though he stopped his struggling. I only gave him a disapproving hum. "Fine. Ten minutes."

Part of me wondered what the hell I was doing, but the blissful and calming feeling of laying with Ludwig overpowered the embarrassment and insecurity. "Thank you...for last night. I-I'm sorry for the trouble. " I whispered into his chest.

"It's okay Arthur. These things happen and we will always support each other when they come up right?"

"I...I guess so." He placed a light kiss on my head and pulled me closer.

Things became quiet except for the distant sounds of cars and the wind outside. "C-Can I ask you something?" He eventually said.

"Anything love."

"Can...this...y-you and me...laying like this...s-sleeping like this be...an e-everyday thing?"

The idea made my heart beat fast and my cheeks go warm. The answer came easier than I expected: "I would love that."

\--------------------------------------------------------

We eventually made our way to the kitchen to pick up the broken glass and clean up any leftover water. At first, Ludwig kept me back from the glass, but I wasn't about to let him clean up my mess (at least not without me helping). After some persuasion, I was also in there collecting the pieces and we were finished in no time.

Ludwig got up with a sight. "I think some breakfast is in order."

"Hey, let me cook you something. You've been cooking for me since I got home."

"Arthur I always do the cooking."

I gave him a slight pout. I concluded that this wasn't fair to Ludwig, so I was determined to at least make this one meal for him. "Repayment for last night."

"Arthur. No cooking."

"Please love."

"Arthur, you're acting like a child."

My cheeks went red at the statement. He wasn't wrong, but embarrassment was not about to get the best of me. So, in a last-ditch effort, I wrapped my arm around his waist and placed a soft kiss on his shoulder. "Please?" I asked once more, trying to push down my blush.

He gave a long sigh, but finally agreed. "But on one condition. We cook together."

"Fine by me."

Despite Ludwig's protests, I began cooking us some eggs while he started on the sausages. Things seemed to be going good, until about halfway through. At that point, the food began to smoke suddenly and I was left unable to do anything as the smoke clouded my vision and irritated my eyes. Luckily, Ludwig was quick to act and immediately turned off the stove and put the lid over it.

After he got everything out of control he turned to me with a stern look and crossed arms. I turned my gaze down to my feet. I felt like a child who was in deep trouble and was about to get yelled at. "This is why I don't let you cook," he said through gritted teeth. At first, I was just annoyed, but soon it dove into guilt and doubt.

'How stupid can you be?'

'You made him mad.'

'He's going to hate you.'

"Shut up..." I mumbled. Not to Ludwig, but to my own thoughts. I looked up to find his jaw soften and his glare turned into a concerned gaze. "S-Sorry," I gave him a soft smile (though it felt strained), "I wanted to do something nice, but it kind of backfired."

Ludwig walked over to me and placed two comforting hands on my upper arms. "It's fine. We'll just try again and this time I'll help you." he moved back over to the sausages that looked almost finished. "Just let me put these in the oven to keep warm and you go grab some more eggs."

I cracked an egg into the pan as Ludwig came up behind me, holding my hand that held the handle and wrapping his free arm around my waist. I felt my cheeks go red at the action, but I couldn't complain. I tried to focus on the food, but that became hard as he twisted my wrist to move the pan around and flip the egg (at least with Ludwig helping, my foggy and distracted mind wouldn't lead to another fire). Soon enough, we had two perfectly good plates of eggs, sausage, and toast and we sat down for a peaceful breakfast.

After the eventful breakfast, we headed to the living room to watch a few movies (after Ludwig got clearance from the doctor of course). First, we started with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves upon Ludwig's request. I never considered him a Disney guy, but apparently, his brother loved the movie which rubbed off on him. Nevertheless, it was nice.

Then it was my turn. I flipped through the countless movies we had, looking for something that might ring any bells. I eventually came across a film titled The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The cover showed a man, dressed in what appeared like lingerie and makeup, seated on a pair of bright red lips. I was about to pass over it until I felt a twinge in my chest. A twinge of familiarity. So I chose it. It was a musical and by the end of the film, I was singing along to the soundtrack which seemed to be a big relief to Ludwig. "What?" I asked as the movie came to an end.

"It's...i-its just...nice to hear you sing...and know the lyrics...and...I'm just really happy." He gave me a shy smile as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer. It was endearing. He quickly changed the subject however with an awkward cough. "I-I was thinking about going out for dinner. There is a new fish and chips place that just opened and you need to get out of the house."

"Sounds good. Now how about another film? It's your turn."

He cocked his eyebrow. "Are you sure? No headache or anything." With a shake of my, he complied and reached over for another film.


End file.
